Passed, Present, and Future

This post will have no order, and probably no meaning.

I write for myself, and if someone else happens to read what I write, they would do well to keep in mind that it's what's bouncing around inside my head. It doesn't mean that I want you to comment on what I'm saying, or that I want to you even read what I've decided to write. It means that you're fuckin' lucky I decided to write anything down at all and you happened to get the chance to read it -- don't flatter yourself, I write for me, not you.

That being said, my writing is like my life. I do what I want to do. I do not compromise what I want to do with others desires. I try as hard as possible to make sure that no matter what I do, I want to do it. Unfortunately, you don't get to count in what happens when you meet someone that makes you want to do things (even if you don't think you want to.)

People suck. You are born and family sucks. You grow up and your friends suck. You get older and your friends suck more. You die, and you suck big time. I've lived coast to coast, and I've found maybe 10 people that I would want to surround myself with for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, these friends of mine all happen to live 3+ hours away (womp-womp). On some fronts, this is a good thing. You don't tire of them quickly, and it gives you something to look forward to. On the other hand, it leaves you feeling completely, and ultimately alone. Of course, I'm a loner (so I being lonely doesn't really matter, but it takes it toll after a while.) I spent my childhood walking around a forrest, by myself. Literally. I would spend days alone, just walking through nature enjoying what this earth had to offer. I didn't have to talk to anyone, I didn't have to explain myself, and I didn't care about anyone else.

Of course, you think you can stay like that forever. You think, "Oh, well... I'm good to go."

Then... you finally meet someone, and the whole world goes slightly turbo. You start to want to do things with/for them. You want to be around them a lot. You start to think about what things will be like down the road (not very far, no plans, remember?) Hell, life seems fun. It seems like the whole reason for being alive is so that you can meet someone and share something special with them, namely, a life. An experience. A way to make things feel right.

Of course, all good things must come to an end. The child who has never been in a serious relationship once again, has no fucking clue what a relationship is. In his eyes, it's all one big game to make people feel better about themselves from time-to-time. It's a quick fix that doesn't involve stoning out, or shooting up. It's also unfair. Once again, the child is alone. Pretty much walking through a forrest with no one to talk to, and no one to walk alongside of him.

A distressing situation at best, and yet, it seems as though this is exactly what meant to happen.

The kid can't say that it doesn't bother them... 'cause just like everyone else in his life that loved him because "they are supposed to", the one person he tried to love did the same as everyone else.


They gave up